Why is anything so tough? 

Because you said yes to anything once before and it turned into a Grimm's Brother story and you decided that God wasn't good and you spent the last 4 years wrestling with that...

Oh yeah... 

This is part of the conversation I had with myself the other night as I was rereading Jennie Allen's book Anything

You see 4 years ago I told God I was abandoning my plans and that his will be done.  It was a scary and exciting time.  God moved in ways I could never imagined.  It was fun to watch him show up and to see his creative side.  But in one fateful week that excitement turned to pain as my greatest fears came to pass.  They were more painful then I could ever have imagined.  It was a dark season that lead to 4 years of dark wrestling with God.  

When I said yes to Jesus I was very well aware that it was not going to be easy.  That it was going to be hard and that difficult things would not just magically disappear.  But I was not prepared for the isolation and abandonment I felt when some of my worst fears materialized themselves overnight.  The pivotal moment for me was disembarking that plane in my home town where I had no Christian community.  I grabbed a hold of the reigns effectively saying "if you can't handle this, I will."

"Every sin at its root, is based in something we do not fully believe about God."  
-Jennie Allen

For me the root of this battle was that I did not believe that God was good.  Finally this June God came in and removed all the bad roots replacing them with roots of truth.  Shortly afterwards God called me once again to anything.  And I said yes.  And it's scary because I know that he could send me into some dark dark places.  
If he does... he is good and not. 
If he does... I will wait and not run.
If he does... I will say anything and not take back the reigns.
If he does... I will read this letter that I wrote to my past self.

"The only exercise that works 100 percent of the time to draw one close to the real God is riske... To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and an unknown future, then to watch him come through.  He starts to get real when you live like that."
-Jennie Allen

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