Logging Off

For the time being this blog will be ending.  A little over a week ago I returned prematurely from my internship overseas.  In that time I have learned quite I bit. 

I’ve learned that this is one of if not the last places on earth I would like to be (which is probably why I was sent here).

I’ve learned that in my current state I am no help to anyone.

I've learned chemistry is serious.  That medicine can be powerful.

I’ve learned I am not resilient.  That I am tired.  That I am still lost.

I’ve learned that I am upset.

I’ve learned that loneliness from being alone isn’t nearly as lonely as loneliness from being with others.

I’ve learned that sometimes mourning may last for the night and still be there with morning’s light.

I’ve learned that I am no Elizabeth Elliot. 

“Do we suppose that we could find a better way than His? .... Instead of seeing His everlasting love, tenderly bending down to our humanness, longing over each one of us with a father's speechless longing; we sometimes think of Him as indifferent, inaccessible, or just plain unfair. The worst pains we experience are not those of the suffering itself but of our stubborn resistance to it, our resolute insistence on our independence. …Here is the opportunity offered. Be patient. Wait on the Lord for whatever He appoints, wait quietly, wait trustingly. He holds every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year in His hands. Thank Him in advance for what the future holds, for He is already there.” 
-Elisabeth Elliott

I’ve learned that whether I want to be or not I am stubborn, resistant, and independent.

I’ve learned that the coping mechanisms of childhood don’t always work in adulthood.

So for the time being I am logging off so that maybe I can learn to submit to the place I’ve been placed…to learn more effective coping mechanisms…to learn something helpful.   

And maybe one day I’ll write again…

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