To-go or not To-go that is the question...

“don’t settle for less than what you know God has planned for you…even if it seems good”

Over Christmas Break this year I read Wild Goose Chase by Mark Batterson.  As I read through the book I was praying constantly.  Then, in one random chapter, I felt like God was calling me to leave school.  Immediately my mind started to respond with things like “What? That is crazy.”  “Why would I do that.”  “Ridiculous,” but the more I read this book and looked at scripture the more I felt this idea tugging at my heart.  I had been questioning returning to school for some time before reading the book, but kept pushing it aside. 

I returned to school for the spring semester and began the process of unenrolling for the fall (all the while watching my performance-based pride crumble over and over).  As the spring semester came to a close I found myself praying, thinking, and worrying slightly about the future.  I knew that I was called to work for the University over the summer, but was not sure what I was supposed to do come August.  God laid it on my heart very clearly to focus on my summer job and not concern myself with what I was going to do come August. 

Around mid-July I finally started becoming nervous about what I was going to do come August.  In my typical “I don’t see anything being done I will just do it myself fashion” I started searching and applying for jobs.  At the end of July I was offered an amazing job with amazing benefits.  I felt peace about accepting the position, but decided to take a couple days to pray before officially accepting.  Was about to call and accept the offer when at the last minute I became very uneasy.  Received some wonderful last minute advice and then proceeded to turn down the offer.

A few days later I began to panic.  I had no job, no place to live, no plan.  I spent nights desperately pleading with God not to forget me (when I should have been studying things like Matthew 6:31-32, Hebrews 13:5, Jeremiah 29:11, etc).  Then I started getting offered jobs left and right.  Good jobs with good benefits.  Jobs that I had never applied for, but had somehow received my information.  That was enough for me to realize my folly.  I asked for forgiveness and began to sort through all the offers.  “God” I prayed “which position should I take?”  He gently responded by asking me if I wanted a job or if I wanted to follow his will.  Talk about a gut check.  

Long story short I turned down all of the positions and still had no idea what he had in store for me for the fall.   I moved back home and soon started loosing hope once again.  I can totally relate to Peter and the boat (Matthew 14:28-31).  I am somewhat good at stepping out of the boat, but not so good at the fixing my eyes ahead…I get very distracted pretty fast (if you don’t believe me come with me to the gym sometime, I’m that girl who gets so distracted while running that I end up falling, flying, and flipping off the treadmill multiple times a day).  I tried to stay focused, but was slowly slipping off track.

Then, one day in August I received an e-mail informing me that my College wanted to help me graduate with an alternative plan. A few days later I was informed that an anonymous donor wanted to help pay for it.  It was strange.  A few months earlier everyone had been saying nothing could be done.  Now they were saying that all I had to do was find an approved study abroad program to take me with such late notice.  Almost all programs were full or not longer accepting applications.  I had thrown out all my study abroad information except for one lone brochure on a program in Togo.  The country had been on my heart ever since I first received the brochure, so I called the program and timidly asked if they would take me, to which they replied “absolutely.”

So, if all goes well then I will be heading to Togo in September and have a diploma in hand this December, but amazingly enough that piece of paper isn’t as important to me anymore which was maybe the point of the whole “goose chase” if you will.  Mark Batterson had it right when he said "God wants you to get where God wants you to go more than you want to get where God wants you to go."