You want me to what?

A few months ago as I was riding the boat to work I knew that my next step was moving back east.  I threw myself whole heartedly into that plan.  I gave up my apartment, sold my things (sold my car), invested money in visas, travel, etc. and hopped on a plane not knowing when I would be back (thinking I may never move back).  Well fast forward a few months and now I am preparing to move back west.  *insert face palm* As I’ve said to a few friends recently: 

God says sell all your things and follow me to other side of the earth.


Now turn around and move back.

Had this happened 5 years ago I would have fallen apart.  In fact someone who has known me my whole life recently said to me “you are oddly calm about all of this…” And I replied “that’s the nice thing about getting older.  You just don’t care.”  Don’t get me wrong I have a lot of emotions and a lot of questions running through my head about the whole shebang, but its not putting me in a tail spin.

I am a little worried (and a bit curious) to know how I am going to land another job.  From an employer standpoint I know its going to be hard to see past the last half year and give me a chance. My resume and cover letter is going to need some serious work. 

Tonight I was reading through some old notes I came across a quote I had scribbled down at church: “God gives you an experience to carry you to your purpose.  The devil wants to make your experience your purpose.”  I tend to get tied up in the details and can sometimes forget the big picture.  Its reassuring to know that there is a bigger picture.  I may not understand it now… or ever… but its there all the same.

Empty Room Reflections

Tonight I'm sitting in an empty apartment.  After 3 years its hard to say goodbye.  This was my first place (that I didn't have to share).  It's been an apartment of discovery.  I've discovered what I like and what I don't like.   And how to say no....loudly.  It's been my refugee in the midst of difficulty and disappointment.

As I packed my boxes I have wept.  When I moved back to the states 3 years ago I expected to find community and healing.  And while I found a lot of healing I didn't find community.  Don't get me wrong I did see community and I've met people here with great communities; however, this round peg couldn't seem to fit in a square hole.  I tried so hard to fit that I cracked.  Dejected I crawled away.  Eventually, I stumbled upon a small group of people who loved and encouraged me for 10 weeks.  They helped me to find my faith again.  (And interestingly enough not one of them is a believer.) As I entered the new year I had no idea what was next and I wasn't sure I wanted to.

Then a few weeks ago an opportunity opened up in a country I've lived in before on a small island off the coast.  And all I wanted to do was get on a plane and go, but I said no... for a long list of reasons.  But life can change in a moment.  I stepped onto a boat 2 weeks ago thinking the answer was no and stepped off 18 minutes later knowing the answer was yes.  For the next week a few "lucky" people heard me agonize over the decision.  And every time after I laid out why I shouldn't go they would smile and say it sounds like you're going.

When I first pulled into this place 3 years ago I thought I was going to discover life with others, but what I discovered was something quite different.  All of that to say once my visa is processed (hopefully quickly) I will be boarding on a plane and flying back to the other side of the world for the foreseeable future.

Insomnia Chef

I like to be aware... of everything.

Evidently that's not recommended.

A while back I was told in no uncertain terms that my life needed an overhaul.  Pronto.

My first assignment?

To learn to be in the moment and not worried.

Easy enough. Well... you see there was this bomb squad with helicopters chasing a man with a knife. And a few days later I'm passing through more chaos. Yeah a bomb had just gone off. I go to a show with acrobats... one guy tries to catch his partner... he misses. Retreating to the safety of my home I drift off to sleep and a car lands outside my window... upside down. And there's lots of glass and lights and people. And I'm not sure I'm going to make it past the first assignment. Assignment 1 becomes assignment 1b. Find something that I like and makes me comfortable.

Steamers.  I love steamers.  I was introduced to them by a small coffee shop in the midwest.  They're warm and comforting and delicious.  My "recipe" is below.

Step 1.  Froth Milk aka make it double in size.  I use an immersion blender and a really large glass that is a quarter full.  Learned that the hard way.  I've heard people use blenders, french presses, whisks, and even just shake it.

Step 2.  Heat Milk.  I cook mine on the stove stirring until its almost boiling.

Step 3. FLAVOR.   The options are endless... Put the flavoring at the bottom of a mug.  Add the hot milk and stir (with a chopstick if you're me).

A few of my favorites:
- maple syrup
- honey and almond extract (yesssssss!)
- vanilla
- honey and cinnamon
- honey and ginger

Step 4. Savor on the couch in front of the window while it rains.